EDITOR’S NOTE: With just about a month until Election Day, Mark Halperin is taking a much deserved day off to rest up for the homestretch. Filling in today is our compadre, the great Larry King. Mark will be back at the helm on Saturday.
KING’S THINGS
I’m sure Elon Musk has a butler, but I’m not sure he’s ever been to Butler, as in Butler, PA, where he plans to go for the Trump rally Saturday….. You can keep your pumpkin spice chai latte -- I’ll stick with a packet of Swiss Miss hot cocoa mini marshmallows mix any day of the week….Back when I was a kid in school, we didn’t have a coach for PE, just a red rubber ball… Tim Walz reminds me of the guy behind the counter at Walter’s Fancy Fine Soda Shoppe. He was OK fixing a chocolate malt, but we knew to steer clear of the black cows and egg creams….Demi Moore is top notch in everything she does but to me she’ll always be Jackie Templeton…. In my day, you didn’t have FaceTime sex, you just got married…
Brian Kemp’s appearing with Donald Trump on Friday shows the man can turn more cheeks than a scurry of chipmunks at a chestnut tree orchard….That port strike lasted about as long as my fourth marriage….It’s a story as old as the tale of David and Bathsheba – no matter how good a job FEMA does, eventually, the exhausted victims blame the government for not doing enough, fast enough – and you know what, who can blame them?…..My buddy Bibi sure knows how to play American presidents like my pal Itzhak Perlman wields his beloved Soil Stradivarius…. Bronny's new teammate is sleeping with his mother. That’s gotta make for an awkward team flight…..Ok, so Barack is hitting the campaign trail for his pal Kamala Harris – when is the great Michelle Obama getting out there….??
If Maggie Haberman can’t figure out what’s going on with Melania Trump, her new book, and her take on abortion, a kid from Brooklyn sure isn’t going to make sense of that one….I guess the only other thing Liz Cheney and Bruce Springsteen have in common is that they both like Julia Child’s recipe for Chantilly Aux Framboises…..IMHO, Vance did nice work in the debate, but every time I see JD on the small screen, I’m back in Miami Beach in ’57 watching Wally Cleaver tell us what’s what….It’s times like these I’m glad I changed my name from Zeiger to King. These days even the nice Jewish girls at Brandeis hate the Jews….If I could interview Kamela Harris, the first thing I’d ask her is why McDonald’s took the McDLT off the menu….Josh Shapiro would have absolutely been on my shortlist to marry my daughter…..….RIP Pete Rose…..In a world of Draft Kings and Fan Duel someone needs to explain to me how Charlie Hustle is not in the Hall of Fame….
Back in my day, the only swing state we had was Utah…..I’m loving this Mets run, but let’s be clear: The Amazings were never better than when Ed Kranepool was holding down the bag at first base…..As goes Canarsie, so goes the nation. At least that’s what they said in my neighborhood….. If I were Donald Trump, I would not remind the swing-voting Milwaukee Brewers fans in Wisconsin that he’s the only candidate from Queens….AI? Ai-yi-yi!...There's a new MVP in D.C. and it's not Kamala Harris. It's Jayden Daniels …. Tony West, a/k/a Kamala’s brother-in-law, is the kind of nice guy I would sit down for some Manischewitz with on the porch…. Looks like the Cleveland Browns forgot their Latin when it comes to Deshaun Watson. Caveat Emptor!
…And that’s a wrap, folks!!!